The fingers I felt nestled in my chest hair were boney with slightly saggy skin,the smell of lavender in the air made me feel queasy.
I risked opening one eye. Everything was an effort to do even this. One second was enough to see who these fingers belonged to, my eyelid shut a million times faster than it opened.
Avril,dear Avril.
Lesson for you youngsters and people of a sober nature; there are things called 'beer goggles'. They don't have to be specifically 'beer' ones but it's the phrase i'm most familiar with, but believe me they can be made from any alcohol. These beer goggles,if a particularly strong pair,can make the old young,the fat curvaceous,the ugly beautiful, I should know i've been on the receiving end of a few ladies Martini Monocles in my time.
Basically when you're pissed a fucking mop standing on it's end can look like a supermodel!
Avril.
She was curled up against me in a flimsy,for which I was grateful,white old person under garment. From what I could see I hoped that I hadn't, you know, shagged her. Hopefully I had been too drunk and judging by the bits of Avril on display to me,i never ever realised tits could do that,i prayed i'd just got it in a wrinkle or something.
Without waking her I slipped my clothes on,trying not to notice the bottom set of dentures on the bedside cabinet.
I gazed at my wrist watch,a quarter to nine in the morning. Pieces of the night before were coming back to me,some of which i'd rather not give you the satisfaction of knowing.
I left my hotel room and who should I bump into but the hot and sexy receptionist who I christened Aurora. She walked towards me looking less frantic than the last time I saw her,winked smiled and said, ''Ah, Avril Amore.''
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