The contents of the minibar were scattered over the cheap standard beige carpet like the victims of a coastal battleground, a minature Smirnoff stood upright,a lone survivor brave and galant after the onslaught. Wide-eyed like something from the depths of Mordor crouched Avril frantically rifling through my bloody wallet!
'what the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!' I asked slightly disgusted at the fact she still hadn't got dressed.
She sat on the side of the bed and emptied the surviving vodka into her wrinkly mouth. 'you were leaving without paying!' she spat at me sounding like your stereotypical baddie Nazi Bond villian.
I wondered what the fuck she was going on about and told her in not so many words.
She threw my wallet hastily on to the bed after seeing there was no cash in it. 'we had a business agreement,i fufilled my part of the bargain and now you,you cheating English scum,need to pay me my money!'
The reality of the situation sauntered into my head like a shy schoolboy bashfully standing in the sidelines waiting to be noticed. I must have had sex with her and she must be some kind of prostitute or escort or whatever the fuck.
'err did we have sex?' I said wincing inwardly at the very thought. Jesus,i mean it's bad enough I never scored during my weekend on the prowl with Julian,but to have actually paid for sex with someone old enough to be my granny was something else.
Avril smiled at me sleazily and ran a greyish purple tongue over her yellow, grey and black teeth,i noticed a feint dusting of whiskers sprouting from her upper lip. 'oh it was much more than sex. If you go down to the foyer and get some money from the ATM I could show you something else whilst you're sober'
A wash of bile splashed the back of my throat but I resisted the urge to projectile vomit continuously for,say,about three weeks in her ugly old mug.
She pulled a thin black cigerette from a little silver case on the bed and lit it with a matching lighter and looked up at me questioningly.
'err...' I started nervously, 'how much do I owe you? For just last night that is?'
'do you remember any of it?' she asked blowing a smoke circle at me,one thing I have never been capable of doing.
I shook my head.
'then you should like to have a reminder?' Avril winked suggestively.
I shook my head again,this time a little more quickly.
She dropped her butt onto the carpet,her cigerette butt that is,although that did not mean she was not capable of dropping her other butt,and stared at me seriously. 'then you will not be interested in what has happened to England.'